The Final Stretch

I am angry at myself for not posting since January, but this is it, my final moments of University (unless I go back to do something else) and my life has been turned upside down in order to squeeze in the hours of essay writing I should have completed over the past three years.

I wish I could havesaid that I was one of those students who studied and worked hard, because it was so important to achieve the best I could possibly do. No, instead I shall look back and think, woah I did some fucked up stuff, loved every moment and (hopefully) achieved something at the end of it.

My housemate and I were discussing how bizarre it is, that mostly we start shaping the way our lives will continue from the age of 15, when you start GCSE's. Is it really fair to ask someone going through the madness which is puberty to make those life decisions? By the time some of us get to University we are so desperate to leave our quiet home lives behind that the idea of independence, parties, drugs and alcohol are far too tempting. Only at this point, in your final year when you realise just how much debt you have gotten into do you feel like maybe you should have been paying attention in that lecture, rather than tweeting about this weeks big event in the Students' Union.

After my degree is completed, I intend to make this blog far more regular (like it was in the old days) and  I will probably have to look at how much I miss the old Uni lifestyle. I am welcoming unemployment with not so open arms.

Best start looking for a job!

To all third year students - keep calm, we got this covered. Mostly.


Ems

Times they are a'changing

After the New Year everyone is being very good about something or another - whether that be diet, fitness, swearing, school work, fidelity. Most people have something that they are trying to improve upon.

With my re-discovered addiction to L word, Jodie signs something with I think is more how i will try to embrace any new resolutions or challenges to myself, that every day we wake up anew and try to better ourselves.

I think that is all you can do... if you give yourself too high a goal and fail one day, you may feel defeated and not try again. But if you take it day by day then you can just try and improve on the day before, in case you do fall off the wagon.

I have so many things I am trying to improve upon, that it is making my head a little achey but on the upside I managed to sleep the whole night through for the first time in about a week and a half.

Stress and anxiety are remarkably unenjoyable.

To the new year!

What is my problem?

Why can I never be happy with just what is?

I don't know if anyone else has this problem - but please let me know if so. Even if things are perfect or seem to be, I will obsess with faults and look for errors. Im always scared and have been at starting anything because things that start always have to end. And ends I am incredibly bad at.

So why is it not just easy? Why can i just not be happy and satisfied - it is like I am always looking at the grass on the other side, just to see if it could be any greener.

Sigh

xxx

@BillBailey - "my mind is unravelling so soon"

You can tell what time of year it is, by how many blog posts I submit. Currently I am in the middle of trying to crack essays out for portfolios. Unfortunately, having been off class for a while, I am finding the whole thing very difficult. I wish I had more to say on the matters of my essay. I am pretty sure I can knock out 4,000 words if some one asked me to write about my favourite book or film. But alas, life is not that kind.

Listening to "School of Rock" soundtrack. Awesome film, totally made me happy when I was going through one of the biggest break ups I have had. I advise anyone to watch it who just wants to see a kick-ass film.

Also watched 500 days of Summer and have concluded that despite being a good film all in all, that it totally bums me out. I mean, I see what it was trying to say, and could be interpreted as hopeful, but I find it hard to enjoy a film, where I find myself loathing one of the main characters. As we all know, I am a hopeless romantic - shouldn't destiny and fate win out? No? We are going to be realistic about it I see. Well who wants realism?? I have my life to look at for that.

Give me disney any day.


xx

21 sleeps till my fave time of year!

I would definitely be more excited if I didn't have so much work to do... why do tutors not know that I have christmas presents to make and buy? Not to mention the number of social events that seem to be appearing on my calendar!

I'm not really complaining, it is nice to be super busy, and when Christmas does come it will be like having a nice long bath and being able to relax for the first time in forever. ooo that sounds so delicious right now. I honestly can't think about that now, I just have two more secret santa gifts to buy (HARD WORK) and then I think I am done!

Found a poem I thought I would share today because it made me smile,

Temptation

Call yourself Alive? Look I promise you

That for the first time you'll feel your pores opening

like fish mouths, and you'll actually be able to hear

your blood surging through all those lanes,

and you'll feel light gliding across the cornea

like the train of a dress. For the first time

you;ll be aware of gravity

like a thorn in your heel,

and your shoulder blades will ache for ant of wings.

Call yourself alive? I promise you

you;ll be deafened by dust falling on the furniture,

you'll feel your eyebrows turning to two gashes,

and every memory you have - will begin

at Genesis

Nina Cassian

Just made me feel amazing. 

Anyway happy countdown!

ems x

Boomting - Christmas Countdown begins.

New phrase that I seem to have adopted off my friend, and in fact find myself getting more and more annoyed at it. Yet I seem to be increasing the number of times I say it in a day.

November was an incredibly bizarre month for me, numerous events and no money lead to several mini-break downs and consequently has resulted in me working all the hours I can possibly get my hands on. Unfortunately loads of other people want time off, so I think I took on more than I can handle.

For I am Emily - and I will burn the candle at both ends (as my mother would say). After getting back home at 3am, I am attending a wedding dress appointment with my friend and then back off to work at 6 to work until the wee hours of the morning. and next week I am at two gigs, need to buy secret santa gifts, and it is my mothers birthday - life is so relentless this time of year.

BUT it is not Christmassy enough yet, our trees are up in our house and look stunning, but I need people to start being deliciously merry and ecstatic that Christmas is almost upon us. Only 22 more days peeps!! Things to do before setting off to my parents - Go to Winter Wonderland, Ice skate at Somerset house, Attend a Carol Concert.

Let the festivities begin!

As the work keeps piling up on me...

Yes, my favourite way to freak out about how much stuff I have to do is to procrastinate.

Even if I am still writing, it is not what I am supposed to be writing.

I have spent a couple of days at home, helping my Ma with some housework and stuff, giving the dog ridiculously long walks and cooking dinner. It has been fun, and I seem to work a lot harder when I am here. However, it really is time I headed back home to London town, though I think it may mean that I will become the library's new gremlin. I just can't work at home, I mean maybe if I force myself. But if other people are in the house I just want to play with them! It is a real struggle.

SO many other things I am supposed to have done this month but I have delayed or put them off, it is highly irritating. Do you ever just get that feeling that there will never be a moment when life can just simply plod along and there isn't a drastic need for something to be done?

I know that whilst I am wishing for some calm and smooth sailing for a little while, that as soon as I get it I will be more bored than a bored thing.

However, ticket to America is booked and that is something I can look forward to after my crazy schedule has chilled the hell out a little bit.


Procrastinating love to everyone.