What is my problem?

Why can I never be happy with just what is?

I don't know if anyone else has this problem - but please let me know if so. Even if things are perfect or seem to be, I will obsess with faults and look for errors. Im always scared and have been at starting anything because things that start always have to end. And ends I am incredibly bad at.

So why is it not just easy? Why can i just not be happy and satisfied - it is like I am always looking at the grass on the other side, just to see if it could be any greener.

Sigh

xxx

@BillBailey - "my mind is unravelling so soon"

You can tell what time of year it is, by how many blog posts I submit. Currently I am in the middle of trying to crack essays out for portfolios. Unfortunately, having been off class for a while, I am finding the whole thing very difficult. I wish I had more to say on the matters of my essay. I am pretty sure I can knock out 4,000 words if some one asked me to write about my favourite book or film. But alas, life is not that kind.

Listening to "School of Rock" soundtrack. Awesome film, totally made me happy when I was going through one of the biggest break ups I have had. I advise anyone to watch it who just wants to see a kick-ass film.

Also watched 500 days of Summer and have concluded that despite being a good film all in all, that it totally bums me out. I mean, I see what it was trying to say, and could be interpreted as hopeful, but I find it hard to enjoy a film, where I find myself loathing one of the main characters. As we all know, I am a hopeless romantic - shouldn't destiny and fate win out? No? We are going to be realistic about it I see. Well who wants realism?? I have my life to look at for that.

Give me disney any day.


xx

21 sleeps till my fave time of year!

I would definitely be more excited if I didn't have so much work to do... why do tutors not know that I have christmas presents to make and buy? Not to mention the number of social events that seem to be appearing on my calendar!

I'm not really complaining, it is nice to be super busy, and when Christmas does come it will be like having a nice long bath and being able to relax for the first time in forever. ooo that sounds so delicious right now. I honestly can't think about that now, I just have two more secret santa gifts to buy (HARD WORK) and then I think I am done!

Found a poem I thought I would share today because it made me smile,

Temptation

Call yourself Alive? Look I promise you

That for the first time you'll feel your pores opening

like fish mouths, and you'll actually be able to hear

your blood surging through all those lanes,

and you'll feel light gliding across the cornea

like the train of a dress. For the first time

you;ll be aware of gravity

like a thorn in your heel,

and your shoulder blades will ache for ant of wings.

Call yourself alive? I promise you

you;ll be deafened by dust falling on the furniture,

you'll feel your eyebrows turning to two gashes,

and every memory you have - will begin

at Genesis

Nina Cassian

Just made me feel amazing. 

Anyway happy countdown!

ems x

Boomting - Christmas Countdown begins.

New phrase that I seem to have adopted off my friend, and in fact find myself getting more and more annoyed at it. Yet I seem to be increasing the number of times I say it in a day.

November was an incredibly bizarre month for me, numerous events and no money lead to several mini-break downs and consequently has resulted in me working all the hours I can possibly get my hands on. Unfortunately loads of other people want time off, so I think I took on more than I can handle.

For I am Emily - and I will burn the candle at both ends (as my mother would say). After getting back home at 3am, I am attending a wedding dress appointment with my friend and then back off to work at 6 to work until the wee hours of the morning. and next week I am at two gigs, need to buy secret santa gifts, and it is my mothers birthday - life is so relentless this time of year.

BUT it is not Christmassy enough yet, our trees are up in our house and look stunning, but I need people to start being deliciously merry and ecstatic that Christmas is almost upon us. Only 22 more days peeps!! Things to do before setting off to my parents - Go to Winter Wonderland, Ice skate at Somerset house, Attend a Carol Concert.

Let the festivities begin!